The forgotten dream

I have never wanted to stay in Malaysia to continue my study because of certain factors. Here is what I wrote when I tried to apply to Loughborough University. I did get a second-year placement, where I would finish my degree in 2 years. However, I wasn't able to secure a scholarship to pursue my studies.

I want to study in the United Kingdom; it has been my dream since high school. Whenever I saw my friends continuing their studies there, I was jealous, but now I have achieved good results, and I am waiting for my chance. The United Kingdom is well-known for its excellence in mechanical engineering, always improving for the better. Every now and then everyone needs a changing in the scenery when you are too accustomed studying in one place you got complacent, you became too relaxed, not wanting to challenge yourself anymore, and always stays on the safe side. In The United Kingdom, I will constantly be exposed to new experiences, and challenges every day, the moment I slack off someone will take my place, and I will be left behind, I don’t want to be complacent, I don’t want to one day regret my decision of not wanting to achieve more when I could by studying in the United Kingdom.

        Studying has always been my forte; studying always gives me an edge, always gives me new challenges and most importantly it always keep me interested. Mechanical engineering provided me with such; I was asked to calculate the bending stress, moment, inertia, air flows and lots more stuff that I know not and how this could greatly affect our lives, and that was only a portion of it, and I want to know more. I stumbled many a time, up to a point where I totally give up on studies. Alas, I found my way back, what is life without hardships? The struggle that one has to go through to achieve their goals. We only know how strong we are once we fall, and how we stood back up and bounce higher.

 

         During my final year, I was asked to create a mechanism to move a trolley without wheels. It gave me such a headache; I watched videos on youtube.com to see how the mechanism works, I did research by going on the internet, reading books, and asked the lecturers for guidance; I had studied the Theo Jansen mechanism, Klann mechanism, and a few others. It was then that it struck me that I had been missing so much; there are a lot more to mechanical engineering that just steels and working in a workshop. I am always fascinated by the creative design and utterly amazing creations that the engineers came up with. How we always tried to replicate the biological structure of animals around us, especially the birds, how we always wish that somehow, someday that we can lift our legs off of the ground, spread out our synthetic wings and fly towards the sky. My years of studying here have opened my eyes how interesting this course actually is. I came to this course by chance, but here I am, wanting to increase my knowledge in this field by my very own choice. I am enjoying myself walking on this path that my life has led me, and I believe that I will always do. 

         I am eager to gain and attain the knowledge to walk the journey as a mechanical engineer. I am enthusiastic, excited and motivated, armed with enough compassion and confidence to enter the world of engineers. My final year project was only a small part of much bigger possibilities that I might be able to achieve by taking another step to a higher level in my studies. Maybe one day, if given the chance, I too would be able to create a machine that would be a great contribution to society.

Mechanical Design Day 2016 (OSCAR)

I'm not just a blogger or a part time passive writer.

My current major is Mechanical Engineering, and here is my team's project that has won us first place. It took many sleepless weeks to get this done. The results were immense.

I AM PROUD OF MY TEAM, EMD6M3A (OSCAR)!
We did our outmost best and we deserved the win.

As it stands, we are looking for sponsorship to join the upcoming Formula SAE race that will be held in October the 5th. The car needs a total makeover, an upgrade. We managed to come up with this with only our class's money that we collected throughout the semester, imagine what we can do with your sponsorship. Formula SAE is an international event that goes out to AUSTRALIA, UNITED STATES, FRANCE, GERMANY and many other great countries. Your sponsorship will be seen by the world! Any information regarding the car, the sponsorship, the race, or the Formula SAE do contact us

at uitmbitara@gmail.com or

personally contact me at ai.aimanismail@gmail.com

#spreadtheword #FSAE #Oscar

The guy in the shadow

PROLOGUE

He stabbed a man, his hand trembles as the body fell down to the ground. His hands were smeared with blood of the dead, he looked back to check on his sister who was crying. The screaming and loud noises that came from the house alerted their neighbor, followed by a siren.

I was questioned by the police about the incident, my sister did not stop crying. I did what I could to protect my sister from a man who tried to do her harm. I was 13 when it happened, and she was 15. During the questioning I was detained as part of the investigation. That's when I realized something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. The man whom I thought I had killed was there standing pretending to be our parents, he is the guy! He’s the guy that I killed! And you are going to let him take my sister away! Someone help me, please! I screamed and shouted, but no one seems to care, they were laughing at me thinking that I was making things up. I was desperate and about to lose hope, that's when a man dressed in a long brownish cloak with a very smart outlook came and stood in front of me; separated by the steel bars, he gave me a cold dead stare and whispers, “One who sits and does nothing, can only whine and cry”.

            As I was sucked into the immoral world of unjust and unfair, I couldn’t help but agree with the man’s words as I could only whine and cry, it is the only thing that I could now do. A screamed broke out my deepening sadden thought, I saw a head fallen off someone’s head. It happened so fast that I couldn’t even screamed, I was left befuddled. The man whom later known as Ezekial, the lead investigator who stood in front of me was looking at the man pretending to be my parent as what Inspector Ezekial called him, Letzte. I was so confused on how it had happened, everyone was too, and slowly everyone in the police station backed away.

Sergeant Bork screamed, “He has an ability!”.

But the body remained standing still as a terrifying laugh filled the entire police station, one that came from, where everyone’s eyes are focused on; the head on the floor. Every policemen readied themselves with guns aiming to shoot Letzte.

Ezekiel locked his eyes towards Letzte and said, “let us take this outside, so I can end you”.

The event afterwards shocked everyone as Letzte’s body had moved on its own and picked up his head from the floor and reconnect it with his body as nothing had happened, he then said, “where were we Inspector Ezekiel” with a smile as haunting as a man who knew nothing could ever hold him back. He added, “With everyone as hostages, do it here would be much gun wouldn’t it!”.

Everyone was terrified, the police station was in silence. Both Ezekiel and Letzte is readying themselves to engage. Their eyes were locked onto each other. Ezekiel, who has the ability to manipulate anything he touches uses the water in the bottle as a weapon. Letzte, the living immortal is a being who that has learned many ways to succumb his enemies with his wit and superior skills leapt forward, reaching for Ezekiel’s stomach, Ezekiel shielded his stomach with his water by hardening it. They both exchanging blows with every punch, kicks with means to kill. Being the immortal being Letzte has no fear of death, he advances and advances towards Ezekiel with a haunting smile, he closes in care not for the pain that is being inflicted by Ezekiel, a few more steps Ezekiel would have been in the arms of Letzte but a terrible light started to fill the police station. 

p/s : do leave a comment, hope to hear from you :)

A Glimpse

Stop! Look around you.

Is this it? Is this what's become of you?

Sulking, procrastinating, and hoping for things to change

But you you yourself sits idly

Not even an ounce of effort was made

An effort to make changes

You wanted to change, for things to go better

Yet nothing was done to make it so

Are you that satisfied with things are

Are you really just going to let it go?

Is this it? Won't you do anything!

Don't condemn yourself for things that you can't do

Things that are out of your hand, out of your control

Yes! Yes! Yes! 

You fell in love, the love you felt was not returned

Was it enough to make you feel down?

That feeling that once never had an effect on you

Now, a taste of it

You shattered, pieces scattered, 

You flown, not knowing where to go.

As the love you felt was not returned

Accept, Acceptance to once you have

You wanted to let go, you really do

In fact, you already were

But a glimpse of her, shakes the very core of you

A smile of hers, isn't enough to know?

She may not be with, as long as she is happy

Isn't that enough? 

Isn't that enough?

You thought you did, you really do.

You are happy with her being happy

Not to be with her sharing that happiness

That that makes you sad, happy but sad.

That is the reality. Accept it. 

You had done what you could.

You had tried

She deserves someone better, maybe

Still am

Inspired by dolpheqzilla.

I was a kid when we met

And you were gone completely off of everything

I never cared to look, never bothered

It seems to me like nothing ever happened

It was brief, very

I didn’t know what to feel

Or what was happening

And then
You were gone completely off of everything

I remember the last time I saw you

You were mad, as I was late

We didn't talk at all

No exchanging eye contact

No awkward smiles

We went home after nothing

It was then we drifted apart

And you were gone completely off of everything

Later we've met

Different looks and set

As a new chapter unfolds

Will it change this time 
Or will it still be the same
As I am only a kid still.

The Heist

We started off small, a group of three. Me, Sarah and Tech. We didn't do much, just a little bit here and there, changing what needs changing. Jane which is me, the brain; Sarah the lockout and Tech the technician but we still lack a person, we've been trying to search for him or her, and it doesn't matter as long as that person has the ability that we need. We are not normal, we had gifts. We know we are not alone, but so far we haven’t encountered anyone else besides us. Maybe because our town isn't as big as others, so there are very few of us and they keep their gifts to themselves. The intention was that we take some money or some things, from those who had too much to spend and give out to those who are less fortunate. We hope we are some sort of saint, kind of like Robin Hood; helping the poor?

I went straight to the front door, smiling like it's the first time I went to a bank to cash out some money.

“I’m in position”.

Then everything went to haywire, the CCTVs were shutting down, the doors were starting to lock itself, and the vaults were opening.

All the preparations were executed to perfection.

"Let’s begin".

I was focusing on my energy while trying to conserve the best of my stamina. I breathed out, opening his eyes and slowly silently let a word out “ROOM”, the bank froze, everything were held to a stop.

I can’t alter time, how we wish someone could have that but it would be very wrong, all I did was simply stopping their movement as they are now within my room radius. I can only produce the room as big as 25 meters up to 5 minutes, any larger than that the time would drop drastically. Without delaying, I went to the counter and asked politely for the bank manager to give out the money on a certain account with a bright smile.

I was secretly hoping that something might happen, grinning to myself. Once the bag had been filled, I must now gave a certain command so that the people will forget what had happened today. As I was trying to, suddenly Sarah spotted something, a movement.

"There's a group of men heading your way, three people to be precise", said Sarah.

I chuckled, what I been waiting for all day. “Forget today, forget what happened and RELEASE”.

Everyone within the room then collapsed and fainted. With still a bright smile on my face walked off, to the direction where the group of people were coming from.

"Sarah would you be so kind to take them out and let one live".

“With pleasure”, Sarah responded.

In the comm Tech had been very annoying. How he wanted to be in the action. He kept on ranting, "I should have been, I should be with you guys, and I can do a lot of damage to their system".

Two shots, two down. Not a single bullet went to waste. As one was trying run away, he went directly towards me. Bumping without apologizing, I went rogue, I was completely pissed off, and I really hated those people who bumped onto others without saying nothing.

"What was that?” I screamed. So, I let him run for a few more meters before I bound him. “ROOM”, I screamed while grinning like a mad men.

“'****!****!what the **** is this", said the robber.

“YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE WHEN YOU BUMP ONTO SOMEONE! By the way this is us”.

I made him danced, and played with him a little until he looks half dead. I dragged him, to where his buds were. "Now, now, I believe you guys should be a good boy and never ever try to rob a bank again, it’s our job and duty “RELEASE”".

We are not a killers, we simply give them body shots, never kill.

“Everything seems to end well and good job guys”.

We went back to our hideout, calculated the money and planned on how to distribute the money to where it’s needed and Tech need to do the cleansing, removing everything out to avoid us entangled with anything unwanted. As we were laughing, enjoying our gifts and what we just did, we never thought that this might happen. We never thought that we must be more. 

Going the distance.

Why do we change. As I recall my childhood days, I was a happy kid, running around teasing people, make fun of people, joking around, with a little care for the world. I was still am when I entered my secondary school. It was an all boys school, Victoria institution. Famous for their marching band, and academic achievement with a spice of sports. Most students that came out of VI do great things. I hope I will be one of them, better than them. We change because it needed to be. We change because we must. We can't stay the same, poignant to the world, live as thought you have no care. We no longer can.

A losing friend

I used to have one, 

He helped me out countless times,

he's there even when i pushed him away,

he's there even i no longer needed him,

always lingering in thoughts and never once swayed,

when no one's around,

i sat and stared..alone,

talking and never be done,

but now all there is,

is nothing but a moment of silence,

silence is a bliss they say,

a bliss that i dont hope to achieve,

is it really a bliss,

it feels more like a torment, 

a torture that i can never cope,

i missed him, i didn't realize that i had lost him,

we were close, not a day goes by without him being here,

but now all there is is a silence that i hated.

can i be forgiven,

can he come back and be here with me,

can he, or was it too late for me to ask this,

craving

I had 3 paragraphs. It should have been auto saved somehow. But its not. Now I am pissed! It suddenly when blank. And I cant do anything about it. Thank you, more please.

dramatic

i went out quite early in the morning around 10 am or so
went to LRT station Bukit jalil, on my way to watch star trek
one of my most anticipated movies for the year
i bring along my beg, change of clothes
ill be having a futsal session late in the evening with my sister's friends
that aside, i went on to pavilion with quite a pace
with no regards to check the showtime last night
due to the overwhelming confidence that there will definitely be a star trek showtime
this early morning, so i headed straight there to GSC pavilion
to my dismay, there were no showing of star trek at all not until 4 pm above
and i was like, what am i going to do for another 5 hours here!
i said to myself, its ok. The Times Square will definitely have a showing
not to repeat the same mistake again i go on and topup my phone to get a 3G connection
another cool thing happened, my 3G cant seem to get through
so i took a gamble i walked to times square, half way there my 3G was finally able to get a connection
i stopped and check the gsc website
i sat down, i let out a faint laugh, and i smiled widely as an idiot.
i clearly didnt expect that. i was supposedly watch star trek the day before
but i was very lazy to get myself ready.
lucky me, im kind a used to it. and lucky for me too i brought along my precious book
i do have some stuff that needed attention such as find a new sweater with a zipper on it
so uniqlo is my first destination, again dissappointed i was.

I had lost it

Its about time now, the time that the brain will now engulfed itself to the place it supposedly be, ready may not,  the time have come, swayed one have, swayed long it seems, rather too long indeed, gone to the place of the destined of no return and never one shall able to come back, the goals one set are far beyond reached but the journey there would be worth the while, impossible it seems, rather insane goals, however still without trying, one won't know how far can one go, without giving a shot wont one know the power one possess to reach certain, a certain point where one will say one could do more, but how far is enough to be called it a certain one can certainly never know, regardless the ending, shouldn't one care more about the beginning, how can there is an ending without a start. Time teaches one lots of things, the experience one gained never put it to waste. Wouldn't one wonder how to start, the goals may be set, crafted, or determined, impossible or not the goals are there now. one wonder when will ever one start, does one need something to help one to get a start. certain events may have let one to gain the needed push, certain talks may have let one gain the extra push. it stopped somehow, the feelings again swayed. certain occurrences have led one to believe that one may not be good enough, maybe one is just all talk, without care the action that needed to be done, the aftereffect that will led to happen in the future. does one ready to had a different future, different life, different me. the old one is rather safe, but now, one will go on a very impossible journey, it seems fun though. hopefully the journey will now begin. let us have fun then. 

I know i haven't been writing lots,
nothing much to write anyway,
been searching for some sort of inspiration that came once never,
i've been trying to get a hold of myself
and start trying to become the one i claim is me
its not easy, because if i do become this so called me
i will be alone. the thought scared me a bit.
because as of now, i like someone, she doesnt like me back of coz
and im pretty sure she doesn't reads my blog, who would.
haha, like i said i dont really have much to write.
one thing though, i hope this holiday would be good to me
as i would really love to continue pursuing what i do best
hehe.. maybe one day ill write something about her.
someone whom i cant. ;)

will it ever happen

im gonna start soon with a novel, after i get most of the ideas in the books, all the characters, the plot, the twist, the con, the scheme, i believe i had a story

im not very good with words, but ill give it a shot

ive been trying so hard to change

but the changes has been rendered motionless

as i constantly failed to uphold my changes

i did few weeks, then i slumped back to the old me

lots have happen, lots of moving notions

yet im here standing unchanged by the wavering front

be as it may i want to change

my social circle shows me that im not better

yet im not worse

however i cant stay in the in between

i must change

i must do what i must

so please help me  

Tracy mcgrady grad

blizzarding snowy

Only few posts I saw posted while browsing through my dashboard

As I too posted none for past months

Couldn't say I was busy, rather time I have solely spent

On something not very wasteful rather eventful

Pleases me not, as I have no strength to do what was told

Tiring me body and soul

On break I am, with projects I have

But none yet begin

Something stopped me from doing so

I couldn't find what it is or perhaps I was just so lazy to figuring it out

The answer is there, I chose to overlook

The key is there sitting beside a lock

I simply decided that it is not yet time

I sat still and let myself fall asleep

Promise I made upon myself every single time

Yet I broke them like a glass scattered from a fall

However, during my slumber days

A lot had happened

I am well aware of what I am

Being told so many time as it is

Bring no harm nor it bring any good

With that said, I believe so much more

That I should really be with myself alone

Alone with what I love

Which only a few knows

What they say justify what I need

The reality that I am only able to be with me

Only I is able to satisfy me

Sometime I wonder what this blog I created mean to me

Now I know, it’s a place where I can lash out

And still nobody cares

 #I who are just human. Only capable of doing what I believe that I can achieve something out of it.

I never knew I could

Who would have thought that I
Of all people
Of amongst others
Who claimed who ought to
Yet me here
puzzled with maze
Maze that was not even a complicated circle
A circle that was not even circular
Without doors to confused
Without imagination flies through
Without fantasy to distract from
A circle that was proven to be not but a simple square
I never knew that was even possible
Turns out to be
The circle will be completed
When and only when
ready when are
The cycle starts and soon end by
I never knew I could.


#believe or not to believe. As eye trust fully u must not. See not with eye but through eye it is must.

a pebble feeble

strong you may say you are

weak as they may say you are

no matter how hard life seems at
there will be a glimmer of light always 
have one lost one's way 
when one was too occupied with the world
world of indefinite of definite
harsh world strong will
will perished world seems small
as one goes on living
despite failing
despite all odds against
one must falter not
never must one surrender
never must one give in
never must one follow others and not ones own
one will fail, one will fall
and one will be crush
does the reason enough to make one say enough?
or will it be otherwise
one will succeed, one will prevail
and one will be on top
does that give one reason to have trample others?
or will it be somewhat different
what label one to be one?
is it fame?fortune?success?accomplishment?
or is it the process of trying to have one?
the process to achieve is greater beyond the accomplishment or the fame itself?
if one do have such success
does one have the right to mock
to despise, to hate, to look down on people
as in the end
one is the only one as no fame nor accomplishment nor success help u with
without the help of Allah
without dua' one may succeed within this world but not thereafter
faith must have always as faith help one with
never faith without action
as an action without faith is an act of not knowing 
is it proof that one is strong despite weak?
or is one look strong yet so weak?
the inception of others always must not put to mind
as one is the master of ones own
if one choose to be one


#never let others choose what one are not, as choosing is a choice of ones own however always with regards of those around. 

twisted wasted

yesterday when I was stuck outside not being able to enter my own house
due to the imposed mind of mine that I accidentally hand over the precious key that open the door to a someone other than my precious. I wrote
but then all but now lost
nothing of what for 1/2 hour to be found
pity, well now I have to rewrite everything
I somehow like that post :(

i feel like morning breeze hit the warm of my body

moments again captivated
step one was thoroughly done
soon step two shall commence.


i had a journey once,
felt like i have failed, i have been wrong before, i hope was.
was i really scared to do what is necessary when its necessary
or is it just me cant handle the pressure that dwell within
im not sure why
never was. but now im glad i was wrong
wrong corrected what i thought is right
right can never prove the existence of something new
without being wrong
experiments prove that it took enormous effort to succeed
so why quit when you only failed once or twice or many times before
here we stand still living, still breathing
why bother the thoughts of not living a life when you only die once
we take chances but sometimes it goes wrong terribly wrong
sometimes we make hard choices to make our time worth
but sometimes it turns out to be worse
you failed to understand or notice behind those failures
then those failures are there meant for you taste
for you to taste the taste of defeats, lies, and life
why we fall? so we can learn to pick ourselves up.
we wont know until we fail or succeed
we wont know until we suffered or tormented
victory after defeat is the best we could hope for
nothing taste better when your effort is worth the while
worth of being a failure is to succeed even further.


#03 dont wait, because time wont. dont stall as it leave us far behind. move forward and grab what need to be done. listen and understand.

The Pain Away

There I was

Sitting down in a classroom

Filled with what people called friends

In groups, in pacts, some in pairs

It wonders me

Am I good enough to be looking away, observing others

When upfront was something much more important

Yet no attention was given

Not a moment i sit still to hear the words that being uttered

I seem to be looking down, underestimating

The gravity of the subject

By not making it any better

I overestimating my own ability due to my own past

But the future is not something I held tightly in my arms, don’t they?

The worse might happen yet

Study is bliss for those who cherish it

Hell to those who don’t give a shit

However just hearing essay being speak aloud

Interest in them I have little but none

The essay I wrote is not that good

But again I couldn’t bear hearing theirs

I’m so sorry, I’m trying but I just couldn’t

Please help me to

The hours continue, press it hard against me

I am indeed desperate

Desperate to leave this room

But how can I?

With the laughter of which I very much detest

It’s like adding fuel to a burning flame.

I am here still waiting patiently

Patiently awaits for the time

I may sound arrogant, I hope I am not

so again I am sorry

#02 doing things changes things, doing nothing leaves the thing as they were