i feel like morning breeze hit the warm of my body

moments again captivated
step one was thoroughly done
soon step two shall commence.


i had a journey once,
felt like i have failed, i have been wrong before, i hope was.
was i really scared to do what is necessary when its necessary
or is it just me cant handle the pressure that dwell within
im not sure why
never was. but now im glad i was wrong
wrong corrected what i thought is right
right can never prove the existence of something new
without being wrong
experiments prove that it took enormous effort to succeed
so why quit when you only failed once or twice or many times before
here we stand still living, still breathing
why bother the thoughts of not living a life when you only die once
we take chances but sometimes it goes wrong terribly wrong
sometimes we make hard choices to make our time worth
but sometimes it turns out to be worse
you failed to understand or notice behind those failures
then those failures are there meant for you taste
for you to taste the taste of defeats, lies, and life
why we fall? so we can learn to pick ourselves up.
we wont know until we fail or succeed
we wont know until we suffered or tormented
victory after defeat is the best we could hope for
nothing taste better when your effort is worth the while
worth of being a failure is to succeed even further.


#03 dont wait, because time wont. dont stall as it leave us far behind. move forward and grab what need to be done. listen and understand.

The Pain Away

There I was

Sitting down in a classroom

Filled with what people called friends

In groups, in pacts, some in pairs

It wonders me

Am I good enough to be looking away, observing others

When upfront was something much more important

Yet no attention was given

Not a moment i sit still to hear the words that being uttered

I seem to be looking down, underestimating

The gravity of the subject

By not making it any better

I overestimating my own ability due to my own past

But the future is not something I held tightly in my arms, don’t they?

The worse might happen yet

Study is bliss for those who cherish it

Hell to those who don’t give a shit

However just hearing essay being speak aloud

Interest in them I have little but none

The essay I wrote is not that good

But again I couldn’t bear hearing theirs

I’m so sorry, I’m trying but I just couldn’t

Please help me to

The hours continue, press it hard against me

I am indeed desperate

Desperate to leave this room

But how can I?

With the laughter of which I very much detest

It’s like adding fuel to a burning flame.

I am here still waiting patiently

Patiently awaits for the time

I may sound arrogant, I hope I am not

so again I am sorry

#02 doing things changes things, doing nothing leaves the thing as they were

Event that make me smile

Yesterday, thursday, 26th December 2011.. I finally did it. I have a new phone. An iphone 4s. I rarely update my blog nowadays better in the future will it i guess. Ahahahahahahahahah
A new post for a period of 4months??or more? Wonder

the road of wanting

never had i hoped that this day would come
eventually so it did
care for others i would if i know
that this would come
love for other i should if i still have the time


i couldnt find my way back as i am at lost
i couldnt find anyone around as of now i am void
i couldnt find the energy to walk further as my leg trembling with fear
i couldnt find the will to move on patheticly how i find myself with


here i am on an empty vast plain space
the sun was so high up in the sky
with its blazing heat
laughing at the weak me
wishing and waiting for me to fall onto earth at any time soon
engulfed with fear i am now
as my feet can no longer support the body
fading away i am fading
the vision rendered is utterly useless
what hope i had left
to survive this catastrophe
or is it i am the cause of this disaster to even begin.
yet here i am still standing, pushing away any reason for logic.
alone wanting hoping
that this wont come.

#01 as light dim forward, one's eye begin to blur. shadows follow no longer. sure enough that bed and pillow i meet soon after.

help !!!!

1+[(5v+u)(e+1)]+5v(e-1)-ue =


-.-"


please leave the answer in the comment section :)

a never ending CYCLE

The never ending cycle will now commence,

The sun shines bright, As the day begin anew,

Eye that was still shut, Open once again,

The dizziness was still stuck in the head,

Look around to know the time,

Hoping it is still long hours to go,

Despair that felt, the bed was now released from its misery,

The heavy feeling still dwelling within,

The body was dragged along the corridor,

Entering the wash room,

Yet, clueless as it should,

Looking around, wondering where it is that I stand,

With fair ‘n lovely on my left,

Toothpaste and toothbrush on my right,

Refresh, indeed I feel refresh,

Soon after, despair comes next,

There are classes that need to be attended,

And the promise I have vowed, that need to be fulfilled,

With BISMILLAH & Doa Iftitah,

The journey that I sought, The journey to become an engineer,

Shall soon take its shape,

Classes begin as early as the sun shines,

The lecture was boring, yet I wasn’t sleeping,

Notes I jotted down,

Exercises given was thoroughly done,

To prepare myself to the final that will soon meet,

Ready as I should, this shouldn’t be a problem,

When I had endeavoured to the best of studies,

Games and plays shall never be forgotten,

As I lay bored at my bed doing nothing,

Hoping that the day will bloom on its own,

It is a fine and beautiful day. What could bring me harm ??

has the JOURNEY i sought begin to move ?

I might have change slightly not too much though but I did sort of change not the way I look or brought myself to society. But worry not as I am still the man you once knew. I never actually change, it just that I add in new features. So in the year future, you might find me to be more welcoming, friendly, I smile often and such forth. Life is too short not to feel them. 

So I think im enjoying my life even more here in UiTM, Pulau Pinang. As I have more to time to do stuffs like reading my manga as I see fit, reading my novels im about to finish 2 of my novel in less than 2 months :). I studied more, I read, I played more. But still, I found I have more times than I ever have when I was a form 5 or even a stpm candidate. Haha. So its quite funny how I managed my time when I was before. As of now, I have plenty of time to revise, to study, and to do stuff. Hehe, im quite happy being here. Glad to be here in fact, lots of things I have learned and so many more to be and soon will learn. 

So here I am writing my blog using Microsoft word to check my grammar :P heheh. Ive been reading lately and these two books I read was indeed spectacular. So much anticipation, I can hardly close it and do other things but I have to if not I wont be able to finish up what I must. And im onto Shakespeare, I already asked one of my friends to buy me that book and she did. Im going to fetch it when Im going back to KL. Im looking forward to read it soon.


I still find it hard to study PHYSICS, quite stressful. -.-“ and haha still struggling though!  Urghhh, ya Allah please open my heart and clear my head to receive Your knowledge. AMIN. Mathematics is ok, other subjects for now is still within grasp. Lots of reading I need to finish up so I wont get too preoccupied. CTU 101, MEC 131, but not as much as SPTM so I hope I can manage!


This month is fasting month. A month that we muslim and I as Islam should be looking forward to. I have been doing good stuff lately, despite my headache and my chest hurts as god knows how it feel. I have been feeling very much alive and good. So for those who are asking or wondering or don’t even care. Im doing perfectly fine here. Don’t be such a worrywart because it wont look cute on you :P im living my life here, so you should do yours. 

Remember that for whatever happen in the future don’t blame yourself if you have tried your very best but the results you had isn’t good enough. REDHA and BERSYUKUR, theres always a reason, a hikmah to what had unfold. Think of it like this, you studied your ass off to get a straight A’s in STPM or SPM or a 4.0 GPA but you couldn’t get them. You had given your best is it not enough?? I wonder, you see. Maybe in the near future if you get the results you always wanted you will become someone arrogant, someone who will forget your creator, someone who is not who you should be, or someone that you will become. So don’t worry if you failed once, twice, or many times after. Relax derr.. Allah kan ade :) berdoa, bertawakal, and put your effort to the very best. insyaAllah things wouldn’t go for the worse.

Firman Allah SWT (QS An Nahl : 12) :

“Dan Allah telah membuat suatu perumpamaan (dengan) sebuah negeri yang dahulunya aman lagi tenteram, rezkinya datang kepadanya melimpah ruah dari segenap tempat, tetapi (penduduk)nya mengingkari nikmat-nikmat Allah; karena itu Allah merasakan kepada mereka pakaian kelaparan dan ketakutan, disebabkan apa yang selalu mereka perbuat”

Firman Allah SWT (QS:Al ‘Ankabuut: 40)

“Maka masing-masing (mereka itu) Kami siksa disebabkan dosanya, Maka di antara mereka ada yang Kami timpakan kepadanya hujan batu kerikil dan di antara mereka ada yang ditimpa suara keras yang mengguntur, dan di antara mereka ada yang Kami benamkan ke dalam bumi, dan di antara mereka ada yang Kami tenggelamkan, dan Allah sekali-kali tidak hendak Menganiaya mereka, akan tetapi merekalah yang Menganiaya diri mereka sendiri”

Until next time :D

A STATE of despair!

the title says it all ! this is not good !!!!!!!

why my DISPLAY NAME is n2ka2ma.

usually i often wonder why i choose a particular name as my display name.
but this time , im not. i am very sure why i chose it and i very much like it.
this picture tells you something isnt it? 


NAKAMA a word in japan than brings the meaning of colleague, compatriot, friend or comrade. a word that tells you who you are with , a circle of friends. friend that we hang out with, friends that we had our best of laughs. friends that shed tears with us for some. it was them that surrounds us, it was them that little by little created us of being who we are now. "A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. " so, look around yourself and see are they truly are your true friends. or are they are just friends for benefit?

n2ka2ma also refer as a siblings. why? because the name itself represent my siblings. 
1) Najiah 
2) Najmi 
3) Khadijah 
4) 'Amru 
5) 'Afaf 
6) Madihah and me 
7) Aiman  
it follows the order from the eldest to the youngest. i put myself as last because im not a sibling to myself arent i? my parents they're special. i have two mothers, without both of them im sure im not what i am today. its thanks to them that i am not as corrupt as others out there. i have a father. :)

i have my own circumstances that i need to face in order to prevail. i have my troubles. i have my doubts, i have lots of things to know, to discover, to learn and i need them more them ever that i now in a state where i must not fail. so it will be them that must push me forward. help me to bounce back harder when i meet my fall. its them that i need to save me if  i somehow fall to the abyss of failures and regrets. nakama (BBC) and as in everyone i consider then friends and n2ka2ma and UDA and asha nazeri <--- your name is mention again here SORRY ( i dont know why but she simply able to give me the little push when its needed ) thank you even you didnt noticed or realised it. so i dedicated this post to them. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE AND FOR BEING WITH ME ! <3

ASHA NAZERI the new

i told her that i need to be inspired to write something at my blog, out of blue she suggested me to write about her. i was at first felt like "huh?" but then on my second thoughts that was not a bad idea, not a bad idea at all. as she had changed so much. maybe i should write what are the changes kan because you see  i am yet still AIMAN ISMAIL she once knew. 


A girl friend that i had known for years but never actually really talked to, she was my skdpian friend. i have never met her once since we both left SK DESA PANDAN after standard 6, she went to highly rated boarding school, TENGKU KURSYIAH COLLEGE if im not mistaken, and when to a University that i always cant remember its name! haha, UEM? but then finally on the 21st July 2011 we met eye to eye, person to person, even i dont know what possessed me to go and meet her . At first before the meeting i was actually pretty nervous. stupid aren't I ? I was nervous that I couldn't talked to her, couldn't looked her in the eye, or i couldn't controlled my fast talk. so with the nervousness still hanging in my chest we met. every single doubts i had swept away when every time i talked fast she simply cut in like i speak normally when others keep on "huh" me, when others usually ignored me, when others would just gave me a poker face. yet she can clearly understand. I was like that's not possible! how can that be possible ! the nervousness change to tensionness! hahahaha! not cute asha, not cute !
despite all that we had a very refreshing catching up session, it was nice seriously it is. :D
enough about the day? lets write about her ASHA NAZERI


Full name : NURARISHAH BINTI NAZERI ? kan .. ?
DOB : 4 days before me -.-"
she was very sloopy and messy, sakai i would say. even after long years of not seeing her. from photos in fb i still thinks she is very SAKAI! haha. but then on the day that i first met her, she was wearing tudung, and i was surprised she is not the same sakai anymore. but i am ! i meant to say she looks lovely and way better with tudung (keep it up) but err im not very good with words, so i just kept it in me . she changed a lot, she was taller than me before but not anymore. ;) and she's now fat. AIMAN'S theorem if you are shorter than me, weigh more than me. Then, yes YOU are FAT ! and thats is she : FAT. 3 thing that really surprised me was 1) she ate weird food like jeruk, tompoyak and all that 2) she had pimples all over her face but now its all gone -.-"  3) which even i can hardly believed myself was that she is into politics!!!!! puteri umno some more soon she said. im not a pembangkang or government, i dont choose side, the side will soon chooses me! hahaha . my friend is so into politics and she is so passionate about it. gambate kudasai. so far every friends i know when i asked them who will you vote, they say malas la nk g mengundi. but she on the other hand surely 100% will choose bn over her friend if i was the one competing ! hahahah. 
if you wore specs that day im doomed, if you wore heel that day i slumped and i hate those wear heels they walk weirdly as i see it. luckily you dont wear them. ;)
i dont think that i was getting shorter, it was you who is getting taller -.= .
not really much just that she is still shorter, fatter, brighter, UMNO, she is getting more feminin, more lady-ish in a way. CUTEr, PRETTier ? i cant really comment on that. not qualified though. maybe. ;)

MAYBE a little BIT about What is ME.

this is harder than i thought!!!!oo ok. let me try now..

what me is quite plain and empty. what me is someone that is not very much different than others. what me is someone who is not trying to be someone else but he himself alone. i wish i am a genius i had the capability but im just not it. and now i know that im not even a smart. i am just an AVERAGE JOE. worse of it all i have insomnia. i rarely sleeps at night and now here i am still awake and writing a blog that no one actually read. im tired and sleepy but im lazy to go to bed. WHAT AM I ! -.-"

but i do know what i love. that is something right??

i need to rediscover myself. i am too sure that i knew myself before that i ended up being who i am right now. i am so pathetic. therefore, i am going to start anew! 

my two post is very short. and im didnt intended it to be so. soon i will write a longer post. just bare for now will you. sorry for that. :)

maybe i too could write about what happen around the world? movie reviews perhaps? something of that sort. ;) not so flashy, or cliche just simple thoughts of what i thought. 

AGAIN WITH THE new BLOG !

im sure this is not the 2nd time i actually change blog.
im not sure this blog is number 3 or 4 but what a hell. i enjoy writing despite no one actually read what i wrote.
im going to start with the random usual.
for the next post, maybe i will write something about uitm, about my "lepak geng" or even something about me.
this is just the intro. something that give the idea what this blog actually will be.
hopefully it will be one. useful one perhaps. :)