I know i haven't been writing lots,
nothing much to write anyway,
been searching for some sort of inspiration that came once never,
i've been trying to get a hold of myself
and start trying to become the one i claim is me
its not easy, because if i do become this so called me
i will be alone. the thought scared me a bit.
because as of now, i like someone, she doesnt like me back of coz
and im pretty sure she doesn't reads my blog, who would.
haha, like i said i dont really have much to write.
one thing though, i hope this holiday would be good to me
as i would really love to continue pursuing what i do best
hehe.. maybe one day ill write something about her.
someone whom i cant. ;)

will it ever happen

im gonna start soon with a novel, after i get most of the ideas in the books, all the characters, the plot, the twist, the con, the scheme, i believe i had a story

im not very good with words, but ill give it a shot

ive been trying so hard to change

but the changes has been rendered motionless

as i constantly failed to uphold my changes

i did few weeks, then i slumped back to the old me

lots have happen, lots of moving notions

yet im here standing unchanged by the wavering front

be as it may i want to change

my social circle shows me that im not better

yet im not worse

however i cant stay in the in between

i must change

i must do what i must

so please help me  

Tracy mcgrady grad

blizzarding snowy

Only few posts I saw posted while browsing through my dashboard

As I too posted none for past months

Couldn't say I was busy, rather time I have solely spent

On something not very wasteful rather eventful

Pleases me not, as I have no strength to do what was told

Tiring me body and soul

On break I am, with projects I have

But none yet begin

Something stopped me from doing so

I couldn't find what it is or perhaps I was just so lazy to figuring it out

The answer is there, I chose to overlook

The key is there sitting beside a lock

I simply decided that it is not yet time

I sat still and let myself fall asleep

Promise I made upon myself every single time

Yet I broke them like a glass scattered from a fall

However, during my slumber days

A lot had happened

I am well aware of what I am

Being told so many time as it is

Bring no harm nor it bring any good

With that said, I believe so much more

That I should really be with myself alone

Alone with what I love

Which only a few knows

What they say justify what I need

The reality that I am only able to be with me

Only I is able to satisfy me

Sometime I wonder what this blog I created mean to me

Now I know, it’s a place where I can lash out

And still nobody cares

 #I who are just human. Only capable of doing what I believe that I can achieve something out of it.

I never knew I could

Who would have thought that I
Of all people
Of amongst others
Who claimed who ought to
Yet me here
puzzled with maze
Maze that was not even a complicated circle
A circle that was not even circular
Without doors to confused
Without imagination flies through
Without fantasy to distract from
A circle that was proven to be not but a simple square
I never knew that was even possible
Turns out to be
The circle will be completed
When and only when
ready when are
The cycle starts and soon end by
I never knew I could.


#believe or not to believe. As eye trust fully u must not. See not with eye but through eye it is must.

a pebble feeble

strong you may say you are

weak as they may say you are

no matter how hard life seems at
there will be a glimmer of light always 
have one lost one's way 
when one was too occupied with the world
world of indefinite of definite
harsh world strong will
will perished world seems small
as one goes on living
despite failing
despite all odds against
one must falter not
never must one surrender
never must one give in
never must one follow others and not ones own
one will fail, one will fall
and one will be crush
does the reason enough to make one say enough?
or will it be otherwise
one will succeed, one will prevail
and one will be on top
does that give one reason to have trample others?
or will it be somewhat different
what label one to be one?
is it fame?fortune?success?accomplishment?
or is it the process of trying to have one?
the process to achieve is greater beyond the accomplishment or the fame itself?
if one do have such success
does one have the right to mock
to despise, to hate, to look down on people
as in the end
one is the only one as no fame nor accomplishment nor success help u with
without the help of Allah
without dua' one may succeed within this world but not thereafter
faith must have always as faith help one with
never faith without action
as an action without faith is an act of not knowing 
is it proof that one is strong despite weak?
or is one look strong yet so weak?
the inception of others always must not put to mind
as one is the master of ones own
if one choose to be one


#never let others choose what one are not, as choosing is a choice of ones own however always with regards of those around. 

twisted wasted

yesterday when I was stuck outside not being able to enter my own house
due to the imposed mind of mine that I accidentally hand over the precious key that open the door to a someone other than my precious. I wrote
but then all but now lost
nothing of what for 1/2 hour to be found
pity, well now I have to rewrite everything
I somehow like that post :(