A STATE of despair!

the title says it all ! this is not good !!!!!!!

why my DISPLAY NAME is n2ka2ma.

usually i often wonder why i choose a particular name as my display name.
but this time , im not. i am very sure why i chose it and i very much like it.
this picture tells you something isnt it? 


NAKAMA a word in japan than brings the meaning of colleague, compatriot, friend or comrade. a word that tells you who you are with , a circle of friends. friend that we hang out with, friends that we had our best of laughs. friends that shed tears with us for some. it was them that surrounds us, it was them that little by little created us of being who we are now. "A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. " so, look around yourself and see are they truly are your true friends. or are they are just friends for benefit?

n2ka2ma also refer as a siblings. why? because the name itself represent my siblings. 
1) Najiah 
2) Najmi 
3) Khadijah 
4) 'Amru 
5) 'Afaf 
6) Madihah and me 
7) Aiman  
it follows the order from the eldest to the youngest. i put myself as last because im not a sibling to myself arent i? my parents they're special. i have two mothers, without both of them im sure im not what i am today. its thanks to them that i am not as corrupt as others out there. i have a father. :)

i have my own circumstances that i need to face in order to prevail. i have my troubles. i have my doubts, i have lots of things to know, to discover, to learn and i need them more them ever that i now in a state where i must not fail. so it will be them that must push me forward. help me to bounce back harder when i meet my fall. its them that i need to save me if  i somehow fall to the abyss of failures and regrets. nakama (BBC) and as in everyone i consider then friends and n2ka2ma and UDA and asha nazeri <--- your name is mention again here SORRY ( i dont know why but she simply able to give me the little push when its needed ) thank you even you didnt noticed or realised it. so i dedicated this post to them. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE AND FOR BEING WITH ME ! <3

ASHA NAZERI the new

i told her that i need to be inspired to write something at my blog, out of blue she suggested me to write about her. i was at first felt like "huh?" but then on my second thoughts that was not a bad idea, not a bad idea at all. as she had changed so much. maybe i should write what are the changes kan because you see  i am yet still AIMAN ISMAIL she once knew. 


A girl friend that i had known for years but never actually really talked to, she was my skdpian friend. i have never met her once since we both left SK DESA PANDAN after standard 6, she went to highly rated boarding school, TENGKU KURSYIAH COLLEGE if im not mistaken, and when to a University that i always cant remember its name! haha, UEM? but then finally on the 21st July 2011 we met eye to eye, person to person, even i dont know what possessed me to go and meet her . At first before the meeting i was actually pretty nervous. stupid aren't I ? I was nervous that I couldn't talked to her, couldn't looked her in the eye, or i couldn't controlled my fast talk. so with the nervousness still hanging in my chest we met. every single doubts i had swept away when every time i talked fast she simply cut in like i speak normally when others keep on "huh" me, when others usually ignored me, when others would just gave me a poker face. yet she can clearly understand. I was like that's not possible! how can that be possible ! the nervousness change to tensionness! hahahaha! not cute asha, not cute !
despite all that we had a very refreshing catching up session, it was nice seriously it is. :D
enough about the day? lets write about her ASHA NAZERI


Full name : NURARISHAH BINTI NAZERI ? kan .. ?
DOB : 4 days before me -.-"
she was very sloopy and messy, sakai i would say. even after long years of not seeing her. from photos in fb i still thinks she is very SAKAI! haha. but then on the day that i first met her, she was wearing tudung, and i was surprised she is not the same sakai anymore. but i am ! i meant to say she looks lovely and way better with tudung (keep it up) but err im not very good with words, so i just kept it in me . she changed a lot, she was taller than me before but not anymore. ;) and she's now fat. AIMAN'S theorem if you are shorter than me, weigh more than me. Then, yes YOU are FAT ! and thats is she : FAT. 3 thing that really surprised me was 1) she ate weird food like jeruk, tompoyak and all that 2) she had pimples all over her face but now its all gone -.-"  3) which even i can hardly believed myself was that she is into politics!!!!! puteri umno some more soon she said. im not a pembangkang or government, i dont choose side, the side will soon chooses me! hahaha . my friend is so into politics and she is so passionate about it. gambate kudasai. so far every friends i know when i asked them who will you vote, they say malas la nk g mengundi. but she on the other hand surely 100% will choose bn over her friend if i was the one competing ! hahahah. 
if you wore specs that day im doomed, if you wore heel that day i slumped and i hate those wear heels they walk weirdly as i see it. luckily you dont wear them. ;)
i dont think that i was getting shorter, it was you who is getting taller -.= .
not really much just that she is still shorter, fatter, brighter, UMNO, she is getting more feminin, more lady-ish in a way. CUTEr, PRETTier ? i cant really comment on that. not qualified though. maybe. ;)

MAYBE a little BIT about What is ME.

this is harder than i thought!!!!oo ok. let me try now..

what me is quite plain and empty. what me is someone that is not very much different than others. what me is someone who is not trying to be someone else but he himself alone. i wish i am a genius i had the capability but im just not it. and now i know that im not even a smart. i am just an AVERAGE JOE. worse of it all i have insomnia. i rarely sleeps at night and now here i am still awake and writing a blog that no one actually read. im tired and sleepy but im lazy to go to bed. WHAT AM I ! -.-"

but i do know what i love. that is something right??

i need to rediscover myself. i am too sure that i knew myself before that i ended up being who i am right now. i am so pathetic. therefore, i am going to start anew! 

my two post is very short. and im didnt intended it to be so. soon i will write a longer post. just bare for now will you. sorry for that. :)

maybe i too could write about what happen around the world? movie reviews perhaps? something of that sort. ;) not so flashy, or cliche just simple thoughts of what i thought. 

AGAIN WITH THE new BLOG !

im sure this is not the 2nd time i actually change blog.
im not sure this blog is number 3 or 4 but what a hell. i enjoy writing despite no one actually read what i wrote.
im going to start with the random usual.
for the next post, maybe i will write something about uitm, about my "lepak geng" or even something about me.
this is just the intro. something that give the idea what this blog actually will be.
hopefully it will be one. useful one perhaps. :)